When I first returned and met Bhumi in the train station in Aix , we spent 10 days hopping around different places in Provence where B. grew up and worked until about 10 years ago. Visiting her friends, looking for a van, doing some business in order to sell a small plot of land that B. owns there. And starting to figure out how to be together in this new relationship. Now we are back in St. Hippolyte and dealing with a whole new level of complexity about housing and work, and health, phone, computers, and so on. And working these new edges in the relationship. It is no wonder that I have these moments when I wonder how I am going to make this thing fly. We have a commitment to keep coming back to the love and putting it in the middle of whatever difficulties arise. It is an article of faith. There is a saying apropos. "God gives food to all the birds, but he doesn't throw it in the nest." So we have our work cut out for us.
I could go on about Provence. It is quite beautiful, especially the high country and valleys filled with orchards, vineyards and fields. Often with snow covered Mt. Ventoux on the horizon. Villages of Provence a little more open and filled with light than here. Varied degrees of tourist impact. Vaison la Roman with both extensive roman ruins, and a medieval village wrapped around a promontory. (Slide show to follow). As the days stretched out with no definite return date I felt a need to have more work in front of me. Both physically and mentally. Partly for my own sense of balance, and also under the pressure of time… time needed to put the new life into gear.
While we were in Provence we came by out 'new' 25 year old Renault Espace Van in the following way. Bhumi has been driving borrowed cars while she was looking for a good deal on a van. She has a huge Mercedes work van - a bit of a rattletrap - that she has used for her work of gathering plants and also for wood… to camp out in… etc. But it is time for it to go, and in any case it is unwieldy for everyday use. It needs a mirror and she has hoped to find one in a junkyard or place where they rebuild old work vehicles like this. One day in Vaison we were hanging out having lunch in a parking lot next to the Roman ruins and a rough looking guy insinuated himself upon us. Nick, a junkie living in a truck, picking fruit in season, with a two year old girl (not present) trying to get straight. Bhumi accommodated herself to him in her usual sunny way and he started going to his van to drag out beer and food to share. He had been begging money at the supermarket and had to settle for food.. and said he actually had a food surplus. Then Bhumi went off to do an errand and left me to entertain him for a while, which was a real test given my lack of French, and his lack of English and his manner.. both dopey and wired at the same time. I said I needed to buy some wine… trying to shake him. He ran to the van and got a plastic liter bottle and led me to the wine coop where he attempted to fill the bottle from the bulk vat. Why pay for a bottle… this was the way to go. Unfortunately there was a five litre limit and despite his protest we were firmly refused. Anyway, we finally parted…. Nick bringing us another bag full of groceries with his big messed up heart on his sleeve…. and refusing any money from us in return (I could see the hurt in his eyes at the mere suggestion). Bhumi had asked about a junkyard to in search of the mirror and he told us again as we left to go there… so we did, looking for the mirror… and maybe to ask about a Renault Espace… the van that Bhumi was focusing on as the ideal choice.
I had helped look online for a used Espace. Seemed like 1000 Euros was about it for starters, but to get on with 'Control Technique'… french version of inspection … and not to be messed with, was going to be 3000 Euros. Unless you got lucky. But Bhumi had been inviting this kind of luck ("Hey, universe, I would be happy to get a free car") for a while. At the truck yard, I saw two men talking. One with a kind, open face. He was the customer. I wandered away while Bhumi waited for a chance to talk to the owner. When the other man finished she asked first about the mirror (no luck) and then about an Espace. 3000 Euros said the man. Too much said Bhumi, we really only have maybe 1000. The kind faced man had come back to ask the owner another question and overheard Bhumi's conversation with the owner. At then next available moment he has something to tell Bhumi. I wander back from a look around the yard discouraged about the options available to us and see Bhumi and this man standing together. Bhumi says, "This is Jacques. He has an Espace that he wants to give us." Hello??
The final verdict is not in, but it appears to be a good vehicle with about 200K miles, which is actually not bad because they do last. Needs break work. Interior not great, but no rust… it's very dry in Provence and no snow. So over the next days we arranged to move it to a mechanic who is completing the necessary work. And we became good friends instantly with Jacques. We met his parents where the Renault was parked, his three samoyed dogs, and his children. Bhumi offered some energetic work for him and he accepted. We stayed in his house one night and cooked dinner for the kids (just visiting during vacation) because Jaques had to go out. Jacques shared about coming out of 6 years of depression following his separation from his wife and many other things about the journey of life. Really sweet guy. Jacques towed the car to the mechanic for us behind his Landrover. Offered us every kind of help. Invited us to stay with him again anytime.
Another expression: "Trust God, but tie your camel." Bhumi does have this connection… to her own feelings… to others… to things spiritual. And she also has a material life that is scattered and inadequate. I came into her life as the 'tie the camel' guy.. helping her clear out clutter and get her unstuck. But I look at my own life and I see that I don't have my own feet firmly planted on solid ground in the material world either, and I have never been good at long term planning. No financial security. It feels precarious. And yet the whole large arc of my journey since I came here has taught my to not hold tightly to my own plans. I find that my own view of what is possible is limited and is often superceded by something much better. Again and again my needs have been met by some unimagined stroke of grace. So this is the dance I am in. When to trust God, and when to tie the camel.
…………………..
Another afternoon at a cafe with wifi in Ganges, a neighboring town. We came for the market… a marvelous French institution, and Ganges, being more of a hub than St. Hippo. has an amazing market that stretches over several streets and a square. Fish, produce, sausage, prepared foods, clothing, accessories, household items, olives and tapanades, books, music,…I got some sunglasses and a watch.. 5E. each. A group of musicians was playing in front to the cafe on the square. Bagpipes, two shawms (folk oboe/clarinet), two drummers. North African flavors. We sat and visited with Bhumi's friends..people I have already met once or twice. Then Bh. went to join a workshop on dealing with family issues. Her family is a painful situation for her and I understand her desire to straighten it out.
I have helped Bhumi get moving in a new direction and have put the physical energy into cleaning up, cleaning out, and organizing. It is an exchange. Last night we tackled a storehouse of clothing and fabrics. I yanked it all out. Made a pile. And together we separated it into items to keep, items to sell or give away, and trash. In an hour we had reduced it to 10% to keep and 90% to dispose of. I went through this process last fall in Vermont. I couldn't do it here unless we were pulling in the same direction. More and more it seems we are. This morning a dump run. Progress. The property is showing it's beauty more as it comes out from under it's unsightly scatterings. The almond trees are already in bloom. Two rows of olive trees shading a garden spot. Other trees and gardens. Stone fences lining both side of the property. No lack of material if I want to do some stone building. About 50 feet wide by 500 feet deep. Terraced at the back. Across the valley the rocky heights of a ridge called "Marianne" because it resembles the profile of a woman's face gazing toward the blue sky.
Yesterday I lit on the idea of doing this kind of cleaning out work with Bhumi for other people. I can deal with the stuff. Bhumi is good with people and can help them with the personal level. "Energetic Healing" (as in Reiki) is her favorite word for this. There have been several times that Bhumi has introduced me to someone who is now a friend but who she met by chance and this person is taking the time to thank her and give her the update on how things have started going better for them since she did whatever she did with them. And there is the way I saw Jacques, our Espace benefactor, open up to her so quickly on a really personal level. The way it was with us. So there may be something to it. Who knows. "Hey universe I am ready to get some money doing something I like doing."
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